The Sensitive Side Of Me.

Everyone says a child's troubled attitude is always from a broken family. Well, I'm one hell of a troubled kid. I always have problems with my parents. Both are just nuts. I know that no matter what they are still my parents and the reason of my existence. I guess a broken family really does gives a big impact on a child's life.

I'm not saying I'm an ungrateful child. I am more than blessed for being where I am now. Sometimes, problems like when it comes to my mom and dad. It really hits me hard. I know that I act outta my negative mind and wild emotions. It's just the things that I can't control.

For instance, my mom. Why is it so hard for her to just talk to me gently without giving me the feeling like she's scolding me for everything I do. My aunt always says that this is a communication breakdown. I knew that long ago. But everytime I try to talk or make a conversation, it always ended up bad and me getting hurt. I don't want anything, I just need a response. All this time, when I need her all she does is nothing. Nothing at all. Not a word or even a single expression. The only time we actually talk is either about money or my sisters. Others are just her pointing out my flaws, yelling and scolding me for every single thing.

Somehow my aunt and others expect me to just accept her as she is. When she finally talks to me it's always about something I do wrong or she yells at me for all the God damn reasons. I am sensitive in a way when she yells at me when I try to prove something right. Then, all she does is bring me down more by saying "I don't know how you're gonna survive when you go out there and work". How am I supposed to take that positively when I am brought up with a negative environment.

Then my dad. He is another problem. I'm not trying to be rude or whatever but he is so childish even I get pissed with him a lot. Always putting his God damn ego first and claims that he cares for me. If he really cared for me, he wouldn't have made so much assumptions and jumped into conclusions. Eventhough he knows that I am absolutely right. He just never wanna lose that stupid ego of his. Why is it so hard for him to just admit for once that his fantasy "good dad" image is just never been real.

I'm trying to do good. Bringing him and his father (my grandfather) reunite. I mean what's the point of keeping all those vengeance in him for I don't know how long. But instead, all I got from trying is isolation from his family. Like the other day when I tried to call my aunt (his eldest sister), I called like so many times and no one picked up. Then I called her son, nothing too. What kinda impression does that give me? Am I supposed to take that positively or what?

All of these craps between my mom and dad needs to stop. Am I the only one trying here? One who talks too much and another who doesn't at all. I'm so fucking sick of this. It's like I'm stuck in the middle. I go out, I get scold. I stay in the room, I get scold. I mean, what do you want? When I try to mix in and talk I get no response at all.

So yeah. This is basically the story of my life. Yet, everyone expects me to have a better attitude, a positive mind. I'm trying. I'm trying not to be so sensitive about all of this especially to my mom. Sometimes I just really can't help it. I just wanna stop trying in every way that I can. Cause I'm so tired. Tired of being told what to do instead of having one of my parents to actually, really, truly listen to what I say.