Begin Again

Well hey there. It's not like anyone is reading it anyways. So, let me begin with the story of my life again. Yes I know I have been awfully depressed and wanting to die a lot lately. I don't know. It seems like that's the only thing I think about. Dying. It's so extraordinary how your mind can control you to be what it wants. Well, warning. Do not let your mind control you. I often heard this phrase from my head or some other places, that... shit. I forgot. I literally had it in my mind a few seconds ago. Ah, that it's not too late to start all over again because every tomorrow is a new beginning. Does that makes sense now?

I pretty much think that phrase is bullshit. I mean how can you possibly forget stuffs that has been haunting you since I don't know when and get over it overnight? Now that did not made any sense. See, I have my fair share of being stuck in the past and never been able to move on because I don't know why. The past just pulls you in and cage you up in the most horrifying way possible. I used to cry every night and waking up like I'm fine with it but still end up crying again every single night. I thought I was dead right there. I was lifeless, emotionless. Everything less that you can ever think of. I thought that it was the end for me. It was over. This is my so called 'happy ending'.

That feeling of battling with your past, battling with yourself. I actually thought that I have gone nuts. Like literally crazy, psycho. Battling with all the voices in your head. My only escape was music and yeah writing of course. Even sometimes when I start writing, everything goes all around the places and it doesn't seems right at all. Well has it ever been? Funny how one person in such short period could fucking slap you in the face and it hurts you longer than it's supposed to be. I can say honestly, I have hurt a lot of people myself too because of my detached emotions and highly no - dropping - down - ego attitude going around.

I'm not the kind who opens up easily when people starts asking me "What's wrong" or "Are you okay?". It's easier for me to just keep quiet. Oh wow this story is never ending isn't it. Okay, my point is if anyone is feeling like dying and never wanting to wake up or etc. The key to it is yourself. There's no one holding you back except yourself. You gotta start standing up and face the world because if you're not gonna do it then who will? I always believed that there's a bursting star in me that will outshine anyone that is in my way. As I was saying, do not ever give up. Even when the whole world is turning against you, you just don't ever give up.

Don't let your mind gets the best of you. I know. It's never been easy especially to fight with yourself. But you gotta do it no matter what. You just gotta tell those voices in your head to shut the fuck up and listen to you. Then trust me, by the time you control your mind that phrase up there that I've mentioned earlier, it will finally make much more sense to you. I'm speaking this from experience. It was my battle with myself. Whether to win or to lose, that choice is in your hands.

I hope this helped someone or anyone that knows exactly how I feel. Till then.