Finally, schools over. No more uniforms, rules and some teachers that are not really that much inspiring. But now, it's my working life and soon to be college life. I'm always the type of person who wants to plan my own future and the one who wants everything to go my way. These past few years, nothing goes as I planned. Some are good and some are not so good. Then now, even I'm so glad that form 6 life is over, my days are just getting even bored than ever. Stress comes along when I have to start thinking about college and my future.
I already know what I wanna be. I wanna write. Cause writing is just my thing. When things inspires me, I write, a lot. But when it comes to college, nothing seems to be in my way. Communication is fine with me but I don't know. I'm not really those who can talk publicly even if I have good ideas in my mind. It just never goes my way. It's so frustrating. It's so heartbreaking to see most of my friends excel and getting CGPA 2.0 and above while I'm just here one step right behind them.
It seems that everyone is changing and I'm the only one who refuses to. Sometimes I'm also afraid of my future. What the future is. Whether it's gonna be good or bad. I hate to think of it but I just can't help it cause I have to go college soon and mom only wants me to go to the college that she wants. It just adds in the frustration that I'm already going through. Everyone is going far in life. Why am the one left behind?
I know clearly that I'm just not this kinda person. I'm the one who wants go first. Who strives to be someone different. One in a million. What's wrong with me? Why is it so hard to find a place where I actually belong? The things I wanna do and the things I wanna excel. I just used to believe that I will do something great in the future, you know, not just anyone but a someone who inspires other people. I want to inspire people. Write about everything I know about life. And just keep on writing.
Because that's just what I love. Nobody to tell me what I should or shouldn't do. I used to be so sure of what I want and now, I don't know. It's hard to go through this sort of dilemma. It's tiring, it's exhausting. I just ... argh ... need to clear my mind and think it all over again. Seeing everyone change and going one step further. Sigh
Sometimes it's just best to let it be but sometimes, I don't know... who am I?
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you are who you really are.
ReplyDeletedo the things that you love, and don't even think to stop writing. it's the only way for us to express our-self when people are not listening. people are not listening much though, i must say that sometimes people waits for us to finish our story and asap to let them spread their own bullshits to our story-- not even understand nor listening thoroughly. blergh..!
don't stop writing, you will never know how much it'll affects the reader. you never know how much life you'll save by a simple positive post. may Allah bless you!
True, people don't listen much now or at all. Writing is our only way to express all these emotions. Thanks for reading and understanding <3
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