Just Because. . .

"I don't care if it hurts. I want to have control. I want a perfect body. 

 I want a perfect soul."

I'm not sure what has happened to me. It's always that certain time where you are very sure of who you are and you are going to shine. Then, there's another time where you just lose yourself and everything you work so hard on being yourself. I'm feeling exactly like that right now.

I thought that by coming here maybe I will discover myself more. Things that I had but didn't know before. Well, I did discover few stuffs. My inner suffer in silence is creeping out and it's getting really obvious nowadays. Other few more stuffs. I don't have to really say it out. College is great, I can never deny that. The lecturers are awesome and some of the people there are okay. I did have fun.

Maybe it's just me still not getting used to this place yet or ever. Two weeks of not going back and I already have that homesick feeling in my stomach, heart, brains, everywhere. It's hard to find the people that you already bond with at home. I know clearly that stepping out of your comfort zone is a part of growing up and nobody said growing up is easy.

Along the way, we'll meet people that will test your patience and tolerance towards them. Trust me, I know. It's very hard to control it cause you might end up offend them and we just don't know what kind of threat they will bring to us. It is very annoying yet a lesson to myself. Anyways, I am glad I found a few who are tolerable and great to hang with.

You know it's not that I don't want to tell my problems when I'm feeling down or moody. It's just that if I tell that person about it, I know that they will not understand because I just don't know how to describe it or where to start or how much that person could understand your feelings. Instead, I just sigh myself and tell them "Nothing, it's okay, I'm okay" with a smile.

I don't know where my inspiration has gone to. I really need it especially for these few weeks where I need to rush all my assignments and write good proposals. Oh dear inspiration, please come back! I know I sound like an idiotic bitch but when it happens, it happens. It will get to you. Those feelings, I mean. You just can't avoid it anyhow. Maybe just ignore and keep it to yourself as much as you can. Till then.