Again.

Here I am again. Just staring at my laptop screen blankly and thinking what to write. So many things are running through my mind but I just can't find the exact words to describe what is in my mind. I have so many things to write about, so many things to let go. But I'm just here. Blank.

What is wrong with me? These few days I haven't been getting proper meals. This just never happens to me. I've been asking myself what's happening to me? I went to classes and stuffs just to make sure I'm still sane and not half dead in my room. It just feels like I'm losing my mind literally. Is there really something wrong with me? Cause I just can't take this anymore. I feel so tired but I can't sleep. I want to sleep but I'm so wide awake with this ache in my heart.

Maybe I have gone crazy. Who am I going to tell what I'm going through? Even if I tell, will that person understand what this is? I've been just sitting or just laying on my bed thinking and sometimes tears just come streaming down my face cause that's the only way I could make the pain go away. I don't mind getting my eyes swollen or looking like I just got beaten up. As long as this pain just go away. But it's not and I don't know how or why. It just hurts.

I know I have to be strong and it takes time to just fit in. But it this what I have to take to be in that state? Well, I don't know anymore. I'm just lost and my path is gone. I used to be so certain of everything now it's just like a broken glass. It's good that I don't have many friends here. I can just sit at the back and no one will notice. Controlling me from breaking down to my emotions will be my task everyday till I get back to my bed again at the end of the day.

I'm not sure if anyone will read or reading. I'm pretty sure it's hard to understand what am I trying to say here but you don't have to understand this. It's not worth it.