Complicated

Can you believe that it's only been a week that I'm here? It actually felt I was here for a month. That's another way of me saying what a friggin' long week. Honestly, it was. There's just so much drama going on around here. A lot of things that me, myself would not want to be involved. Somehow, drama everywhere always has it ways to get me in it. Frankly speaking it was quite a rough week.

I never knew so many shits can happen in a week. Honestly, I'm the type of person who try her best not to show any feelings. I never let people see me cry no matter how broken I am inside. You'll know something is very wrong when I start to cry out of nowhere. I'm so weird. I'm also the type of person who wants everything to be simple. It's so ironic because my life is written complicated all over it. I want to live a simple life. I leave when I see things are getting complicated. I leave when I know it leads me to complications. Unlucky me, no matter how hard I try to run away, complications are just unavoidable. For someone who tries her best to not show any feelings at all, it gets to her sometimes too. 

There will always be a day, at the most random time and day I would just lock myself in the room and let all of it get to me. When that happens, I really feel like ripping my heart out. That stinging feeling in your heart that keeps you awake. Every tears that drop hurts. I'll be so fragile and out of control. When I breakdown, I usually breakdown alone where no one can see my flaws. No one can see how scarred I am inside. Not everyone can handle that side of me. Even I can't handle it myself. I fear for what I am when I'm in this state. It's scary. And the worst part of my breakdown is I won't know how long it will take to heal.

Not everyone can see since I'm so good at hiding it. There are very few though that are able to see through my thick mask. And I'm glad I have them in my life. It's hard for me to admit that I'm hurt and it's even harder for me to show how hurt I am inside. It's nice to have someone who cares, who worries for you and make sure you're really okay. Who already knows what a nightmare you can be and choose to stay. That's the best part of being human, I guess.To feel. To have feelings. Being able to see someones soul. All scary and beautiful at the same time.

Life will forever be complicated. Since I know I can't run away from it, I have to choose carefully which is worth being complicated for. Man, I mentioned that a lot. Till then.