Yes I'm Ugly.

In my life, I have done quite a bunch of silly stuffs. Big mistakes. I'd hurt people, I cut people off, I rush into decisions that I think it's best for myself. I exclude everyone out. I have this mind of mine that controls everything in me. The way I think, the way I act, what I do and say. Yes I know I'm not that pretty, I'm not that smart either. I don't even know what my talent is or whether I have one. I have this mind of my own that keeps telling me a lot stuffs that I have been trying to block out. This aching heart of mine that I've been trying to heal but never seem to work at all. The peace that I've been trying to find inside of me. 

Sometimes I'm just done with people saying things and telling me this and that. Like how pretty my bestfriends are and why I'm not. How good and smart they are and why I'm not. You know, I get it that it's some sort of joke that you guys put on but sometimes it just gets too much you know? I have a heart too. It hurts me and it makes me feel so useless being around with people like this. It's like I have to put up with their damn standards or I won't survive in this world. I feel better when I distance myself from everyone. I feel comfortable with myself. I feel happy just being with myself. I feel better with no one judging me. Well that's why I rather distance myself from everyone. It's better to be that way.

They don't understand what it feels like to actually be unpretty. To feel so unwanted. I just have this pain in me that can never go away. That sickness inside of me that doesn't have a cure. I can't get the guy I want, I don't feel happy when I'm around people, I'm not that smart enough to get into a good college, I can't even make my parents proud. All they do is judge, judge and judge. Sometimes I get so tensed up and angry is because I'm angry with myself. I don't need a freaking anger management. I don't anything. I just need someone to listen. I don't anyone's advice or how I should improve myself. I know what to do with myself.

It's just better to have someone to listen and understands you than someone who gives you stupid advice that I don't really even care about. When I tell you about my stuffs, I don't want your stupid judgmental advice. I just had it wrong with you. I thought of all the people, you would actually understand. I guess there's just no point telling my problems to anyone. All I get once I opened up to someone is just another heartache. Just stop talking to me. Stop everything.

I'm just another troubled girl. Yes I'm ugly and stupid. Happy? Since every pretty girls need an ugly one as a bestfriend. Just shut up already.

P/S: To someone that I used to know, I'm not the one who scolded you with all those vulgar words. I thought you knew me better than that. I'm sorry for everything, I'm sorry for hurting you. No, don't do your ego with me. It doesn't work. Yes it was my fault for rushing into decisions and saying immature things to you. Sorry can't cure back that heartache I gave you but every moment spent with you was just me. Sincere. And the post above is not about you.

Till then.