Maybe That's Just Me

Hey there. It's been a while since I last blogged. Well, it's been a while since I last texted, tweeted and Facebook anyone. For some reason I really felt that everything has already fallen apart and I'm not doing anything about it. I skipped school for more than 5 days now to be exact. I have been silent. I guess I can finally say that I have changed to become someone who I thought I would never be. I am that lonely girl, with very very few friends that lives in her own small world. That is unfortunately the new me now.

I barely talk to my bestfriends. I can barely sleep or think properly. It's just blank. I don't know what happened or how it happened but it did happened. My whole life now is blank and the saddest part is I just keep finding more reasons to be sad. I have no idea where all my positive energy went. My dreams are all crashed and burned. My life is literally just blank. Even I don't understand what has happened to me.

I don't even feel like waking up or doing anything. I don't even feel like going to school anymore. Then, I still have some sense in me that exams are in two weeks, graduation is on this Friday. I'm not sure what's the purpose of doing anything at all in life. Why can't I just rot myself to death and just suffer in the grave? I don't even know how to describe myself now or what the hell am I doing with my life.

Deep down inside I know that this is not how I'm supposed to be. I know that this is not how it's gonna end. It's so hard because I'm fighting with myself. I'm not battling anyone. I'm only battling with myself and it's not going anywhere. I know that I'm going to be a somebody. I have a future ahead of me and the other side of me it's not letting me move forward.

Is this some kind of sickness? Cause if it really is I seriously need help as soon as I possibly can. I can't stand to be this lonely, pathetic girl anymore. I'm tired of being broken and broken over and over again. I'm exhausted of being depressed and having people giving me on advice that I already know. Even I let my friends understand my situation, they just let me down and I'm just so disappointed. I'm so far behind when all my friends and my enemies are so far ahead.

I cannot lose myself to the other side of me. I tend to realize that I couldn't count on anyone. I should stop counting on anyone. It's my fight now. It's my battle. I need to knock out all the bad energy in me. Maybe for now, I don't need my friends because somehow I just get irritated by them. Instead of helping me, they just tell me what I already know and what to do. That's not what I need from you.

Maybe I'll find them back soon when I find back myself. For now, I just need to focus on myself and my exams that are coming soon. Till then.