Belong

There comes a time in life where you will feel that you are at your lowest of all. It will crush you slowly and make sure every cell in your body feels that ache. For me, it might be the worst kind of feeling that anyone could ever felt and also no one deserved to feel that way. It is the most horrible and sadly, the only way it could test your true strength.

The pain consumes you. Even when you try to be strong. Even when you are always the one laughing the loudest or even laughing at the smallest things. Even when you seemed like the carefree type of person. The moment where you take your keys out, open your door, walk straight to your bed and just lay there. That very moment you feel so down, so sad and so hopeless. That is when it starts to latch on you. The voices in your head just keeps getting louder and louder.

You just don't know why does it keep getting worse day by day. You would do anything. Just anything to get rid of that feeling. That ache inside your heart. You either drink it away, smoke it away or even sleep it off. But it never really went away at all. It just keeps coming back. There's a point you would even consider to take your own life. That is how the pain consumes you. The bad, the negative, the darkness. You just can never run away from it no matter what you do or how hard you tried. It's. Just. There.

One thing I learned from feeling this way is I never lose control of myself. I was certain of who I wanted to be and what I wanted to do. I knew from the very start that I am not this kind of person. I know who I am. Every time I feel this way, I do feel worthless but I know that no matter how worthless I feel, I tell myself that I will fight. Even when there will be days that I will fall, tumbling down. I will not stop fighting this pain. You know why? Cause I know what I deserve. I deserve to be happy, to feel happy.

People might say that it is a petty thing. Guess what, it's not to me. It's not to others who are suffering just as bad as me or even worse. Don't ever forget who you are even when it seems like the whole world doesn't understand. You will always belong somewhere. Everyone belongs somewhere. It's just the time and patience to find out where your place is that determines whether you have won your battle or not.