Yes I know, drinking alcohol does not solve my problems. I know it doesn't help me forget. I don't use drinking as a solution for everything. It just gives you a really bad hangover. I've drank last night during my friend's birthday getaway party. I downed Vodka and beers. Gave me a really bad backache, sore throat and headache. In the process of getting drunk was a good sensation that numbs your mind. My body definitely couldn't take it but my mind was still sober.
Everyone gets drunk and starts opening up shits but I'm just a little bit more extra careful in that. My mind is like a big secured box. I don't talk about my private stuffs or my actual feeling and opening up my vulnerability to anyone. I do actually want to but I just couldn't. I just didn't know how. The process of getting high and drunk is good but the process of sobering up, that sucks! Like a lot. I seriously just couldn't take all those shitty stuffs coming back to me one by one.
I felt shitty, I felt like crying and hitting the wall. I wish I could do that when I was drunk. Just rant, cry, get angry at everything and not remembering it after waking up. Sigh now I feel shitty. Cause everything is back and I feel even worse than before. Not the hangover but the emotions. Gosh, just kill me right now. I want to be so heartless right now. So so heartless. I don't want to feel anything. I want to forget so badly. I want to let go. I don't want any emotions. I don't want to feel.
Maybe part of me was just really stressed out with my assignments and the people I'm dealing with. They pissed me off and I just dropped all the assignments and fuck it. I guess I have no choice but to just deal with my shits. Till then.
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