Content With Loneliness

Love. What a word. Love could bring so much happiness to a person. Love also can be the most painful feeling. But like what Ted Mosby said:

"Love doesn't make sense! I mean, you can't logic your way in or out of it. Love is totally nonsensical. But we have to keep doing it, or else we're lost, and love is dead, and humanity just packed in. Because love is the best thing we do."

Happiness doesn't last and so does pain. You'll never be happy all the time and you will never be in pain forever. The only difference is when you're happy, life seems to pass you by faster. While pain, it breaks you into pieces and open your eyes to a whole new dimension.

I used to love the ones that I cared so much genuinely. I used to fall in love by the name of love, nothing more. I used to want love badly. I wanted the affection. Once I had it, I never wanted to let go. The fear of losing it made me lose myself. I hurt myself by throwing myself to the people who don't even feel the same way. I can never forgive myself for what I did especially to myself.

I feel so much hatred in me. I hated the people who hurt me. I hated the people who made me feel this way. I hated them for ruining my life and made it so miserable. The one that I hated the most was I let them. I let them ruin my life. I let them hurt me, break me. Boy, was I stupid. I would've slapped myself real hard back then. Like what the hell are you doing to yourself!

At some point of my dull life, I told myself "You know what, enough is enough". How long do I want to let them define me and my life. I've been back-stabbed, isolated, judged, pushed around and totally lost myself. I've finally had enough. I'm done crying every night. I'm done with letting people take over me. Stupid girl. So, I build walls around me. Layers and layers of wall.

Now, I define myself. I do what's best for myself. I am so tired of being angry and hurt for the past few years. I distance myself and not getting attached to anyone. Maybe someday I will find someone or not but if I do, I will love that person passionately. I still have so much time. Why waste on anyone who's just gonna make you unhappy and break you again?

If people think I'm an open book, think again. I only show what I want them to see. Omg, I just realized how serious I sounded. LOL Gosh I'm weird. Till then.