Being Me.

Every one's first impression on me is that I'm different. Yes, I am. I was born and raised in the best of both worlds. My entire life is me living in two different worlds. I have to be two different person when I'm with my dad and when I'm with my mom. Weird? Doesn't even begin with it. I might not be the only one out there to face the same problem as me but this is my blog therefore I shall write about myself. So, shut it.

It does sounds cool to be raised in two different worlds. Everything was so simple then but as I grow up, it seems that life is asking me to choose. Well technically, I don't even get to choose because I was already born to follow my dad's side. So, I was stuck in the middle. In high school and even till now, I'm too Malay for the Chinese people and too Chinese for the Malay people. Yes, it's damn true. Everything with me is just extra harder.

Family, friends and relationships. I will always have problem with all three of it. I don't feel like myself when I'm at my dad's and I don't feel comfortable when I'm at my mom's side. That's why as I grew older (not that old, only 20), I chose none of those two. I just wanted to be me. That's the only thing I could be. It's not that I don't believe in what I've been taught but I don't think I am capable of giving my full commitment to it. If I want to do it, I have to be fully prepared mind, heart and soul.

I do wonder to myself sometimes, why am I born this way? Why can't I be like other normal people? Every time when life brings me down, I asked myself why did God punish me this way? I only ask for one simple thing which is to be loved. Is that too much? I guess so. Silly me. I did wished that I belong to only one world. Wouldn't it make my life so much easier? Gosh, wouldn't it make everything easier? It would've saved so many heartbreaks, arguments and life threatening situations.

Anyways, I just have to learn to accept everything as it is. I love being different but being different also can be so lonely and bitter. I think I'm used to all of this or will be. My life is just full of weirdness. Am I that complicated? Is being what I am a gift or a curse? Sigh. Till then.