To write sometimes is to be honest. Honest about your own feelings, your own thoughts. Everything has to be raw, vulnerable and open. That is how you show someone. That is how they will understand. Let them feel what you feel. Let them see what you want them to see. Bring them into your mind and show them what you want to show. After all, everyone wants to know the truth.

It's hard to write sometimes because you need to be honest about it and being honest about it means you have to accept the truth. You have to admit that it is true, it is happening. There's a lot of things that I'm not ready to admit. A lot of things that I'm still unsure of. A lot more that I just do not have the guts to live with it. I'm just very indecisive.

Lately, I have been feeling a lot. The good and the bad. Apart from losing a lot of people and adapting to the changes in life, it's been quite rocky. When you have lost people who've meant so much to you, there's always something that keeps you away from people. Honestly, I'm scared. I'm scared of investing in people, to trust them, to show them me. Even with the people I'm very close with. I'm terrified.

After a while of not writing, my demons are getting out of control. I have uneasy feelings. I get annoyed by petty stuffs. I question every single step that I take. I can't cry, I can't put it into words and I don't know which is worse. My mind is just like a blizzard. So are my emotions. It's all over the place, it's deadly and it ruins everything. I don't know why. My dark side is catching up to me again. It's like I'm just running in circles. Pathless, nowhere.

I can be this whole other person when my dark side takes over. I become an actual blackhole that sucks all the light out in life. I'll become so dark no one would recognize me. My anxiety. My anxiety is driving me crazy. My mind is driving me crazy. Creating problems that wasn't there in the first place. I feel lost. I feel so lost again. But I can't show. I can't show all of these because people will judge. Everyone will judge.

I want to bear my soul to someone knowing that I'll be safe, I won't be judged and maybe, just maybe my demons will just settle down.