Circles

At times, I wish I could start over. I wish I could be normal like everyone else. I wish I have a simple mind. I wish everything was simple. A little less pain, a little less complicated. Maybe unmeet a few people. Unfeel all these feelings that are going in circles. Turn back to when things were good. When things were not as broken as it is today. Sometimes I'm so certain of the things I feel and sometimes I just don't anymore.

There's always a limitation when it comes to relationship that's only based virtually. Some things are just left unsaid, some feelings left untold. Some situations are just better when it's face to face. You can look into their eyes. See the pain, the sadness and how hard they're trying not to fall apart. You can see the way they walk and bring themselves. The things they laugh at, the things they see and tell you about. Everything is much stronger when they're together.

As much as I try to show the amount of care I have for you, the amount of love I have for you, it'll never be enough. We're not moving forward or backwards. We're just at the same damn spot. How am I supposed to know the things that you don't show or don't tell? I'm not her, I'll never be her. Don't you see? There's only so much I could do for you. She's there, she's always there and she can do so much more than I could. It sickens me.

I want to know everything about you, you know I do. We've known each other for so long, you should already know that. What's the point now anyway? You said that I cared only once when you are my everything. It hurts so much. I keep asking myself how long can we go on like this? Doubting each other about everything that we're not. How could you even say that? It's like getting stabbed willingly, again and again. I don't know, honestly.

I guess we're just never gonna truly know each other like we always thought we would. We'll always be just this. Till then.