I'm Broken.

Everyone is broken in their own way. I knew that I was broken since I was a little girl. A child would only remember who was there for them and they will hold on to it till they're all grown up.

It wasn't easy for me to deal with my own emotions. My mom was always busy and always so angry at the world. She sacrificed a lot, I know. My dad was well not attentive to us. He was still figuring out who he is.

My mom is all kinds of strong. She's stern, she's solid. She was always hard on me. I would always have to deal with her temper. While my dad, he was gentle and kind. He was everything that my mom was not.

It's hard to live in two different worlds. I feel torn in between. I'm bounded by rules that I don't want to follow and I'm limited by it in so many ways. It's always complicated with me. I never felt belong anywhere.

Everyday is a constant battle against myself. Tell me how can I not be so broken when I have to go through this all alone knowing that nobody understands? They think they do but really they don’t.

And love, love was supposed to fix but it didn't. It destroyed me even more. I was stupid to think that one person could change all the wrong in my world and put my faith back. Until now, I don't think anything has changed.

I'm so tired. My soul is tired. I want to be me and live freely. I want the pain to stop, I want to move on and I want to be happy. I'm so tired of things going in circles and feel the same thing over and over again.

I want someone to make me feel that my insanity is sane. That I'm not actually losing my mind. People who say they'll be there and mean it. People who say they love me and show it. People who say that they'll stay and actually did.

I'm tired of being deceived. I'm tired of being kind and still get hurt in the end. I know life is unfair but don't I deserve to feel unbroken? Don't I deserve someone that'll walk through heaven and hell with me? It's sad, really.

One week of not being able to sleep can really take its toll on you. I've been crying a lot too lately. Maybe my body and my mind knows something that my heart doesn't want to accept yet. Till then.